Consumed

As the first significant snow settled, my state of mind seemed to be resembling the gray skies and bitter winds. I find myself in a state of withdrawal, consumed with worry, guilt and sadness concerning the care of my aging parents. The time has come for a life-altering decision that must be made over this hoilday season. It has truly been an all-consuming dread.

"Consumed" is the word of the moment, the day, the month, the season. My retail job is a non-stop display of full-out holiday consumerism. Our outing today was an almost frightening exercise in the Consumer Contact Sport known as holiday shopping. In my funk, I find myself consuming way more of the ubiquitous holiday treats than I should. When my thoughts are consumed with negativity, I also turn toward consuming books, magazines, film and TV just to provide a distraction from the gloom that frosts over my mind.

As ever, I need to work to alter what consumes my brain. The weather could have been far worse. My parents are still alive, astoundingly vital and my frustration with their care doesn't even compare to the sadness and fear they are certainly feeling these days. My store and many others are busy and that's job security and a good sign for the economy.

The holiday treats are wonderful examples of tradition, family and friendship. The two tins of cookies are from Keith's family's annual Cookie Sunday tradition. This tradition involves mass cookie baking, cocktails(jello shots!) and a evening potluck dinner that brings the whole family together. Ann, this year's host, sent Keith home with a gift bag of "drunken" apples, spiced apples, light and sweet "Crackle", and homemade white grape wine that her husband Randy makes. The tin of unique Chex Mix came from our friend Danene and includes Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch and M and M's. The tin of lemon squares and rum balls comes from my co-worker John.

I am consumed with comfort and warmth from these things. We will host a brunch tomorrow morning and then attend a party later on in the day and these events will consume me with love and laughter.

I am consumed with gratitude for my many blessings.....beginning with Keith and the steadfast support he has given me. I am ever grateful for Kristy and the hometown neighbors and friends who have worked so hard to watch out for my parents.

So, of course, it all comes down to choice.....what will I continue to be comsumed by? Sadness and worry? Stress and guilt? Gloom and doom?

I think, instead, I'll shoot for comfort and joy.